Adoption is forever

After adopting a child, it is common for the child to struggle with a fear of abandonment.  Even after being placed into a new, loving home, they experience this nagging apprehension that at some point, the rug will be pulled out from under them again.  In their minds…if their birth parents rejected them (usually for an unknown-to-them reason), then what’s to stop their adoptive parents from one day doing the same thing?

Typically, this fear isn’t something that is clearly expressed.  Instead, it can surface at various points in childhood, adolescence, or even into adulthood.  Some examples include: behavior issues at home or school, hyperactivity, eating disorders, significant difficulties with interpersonal relationships, or even sleep issues.  It is also possible for an adopted child to move toward the opposite extreme – trying to do everything perfect, to be so incredibly “good” in the hopes that their new parents will never have a reason to abandon them.

The bad behavior is what receives the most attention and treatment attempts…but even if the child’s external performance improves, the deep-worry of potential rejection is often not addressed.  An adopted child at the other end of the behavior spectrum is unlikely to have their deep fears discussed, since it would be easy for the new parents to take such “good” behavior for granted.  However, the child’s insecurities are often shown in their depressive or anxious reactions when they do make a mistake.

To quote one adoption expert, “Young children do not understand about the legal permanency of adoption.”  The most impactful response to the child’s abandonment fears, however they are expressed, is a consistent showing of unconditional love and a constant reminder of who they are within their new family.

Which leads me back to thinking about all of us who have been adopted into God’s family.  Do we, too, struggle with a fear of abandonment?  Do we fear not being “good enough” for God to keep us around?  Are our struggles – difficulties with interpersonal relationships, eating disorders, addictive behaviors, outbursts of anger, anxiety, and the like – are these rooted in the fear that God will one day reject us?

I gently challenge you to consider your struggles, and look deeper to see if there isn’t an underlying trust issue between yourself and God.  It’s certainly possible you’ll need help to do this.  Think through this with a friend, talk to your spouse, or speak with a counselor.  We need to be honest with ourselves and determine if our drive for “Christian perfection” or “Christian rebellion” comes out of a deep-seeded worry that God’s love has a limit.

While I can’t walk with you through this important self-analysis, I would like to offer some truth to consider as you explore your heart.  The Apostle John started his gospel with this clear statement of adoption:

John 1:12
But to all who did receive Him, He gave them the right to be children of God, to those who believe in His name

John’s entire book was written to present the clear message of how we become God’s adopted children.  He never mentions any other condition, only to believe in Jesus for eternal life.  He even said so as he closed out his book:

John 20:30-31
Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of His disciples that are not written in this book.  But these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name.

Paul reiterated this point when he wrote to the believers in Rome.  Paul goes to great lengths to explain that eternal life cannot be earned, we cannot do any work for it – it is solely a gift:

Romans 6:23
the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

Later on in the letter, Paul also discussed the historical effects of Israel’s rejection of Jesus as the Messiah.  However, while describing how God hasn’t given up on the nation of Israel, he dropped this little nugget of truth:

Romans 11:29
God’s gracious gifts and calling are irrevocable

Did you catch that?  God’s gifts are irrevocable.  Once He gives them, there are no take-backs.  No returns.  Once God gives you eternal life, He doesn’t retract it.  Once adopted, that’s it…you’re in.  You couldn’t earn your way into God’s family, and there’s nothing you can do that will get you kicked out.

You don’t have to live your rebellion or your perfection out of a fear that God might abandon you.  Once you believe in Jesus for eternal life, the matter is settled.  You are adopted – forever.  You are now part of God’s Forever Family.  This is legally permanent, according to the God of the Universe.

Keep Pressing
Ken