Our Best Life, Step 5: Discipline

Previously (link), we found this working definition of a person’s “Best Life”:

             A long, fulfilling life characterized by health and well-being.

We also discovered that God has given us a clearly-defined path to a life that meets this description.  King Solomon addressed this in the proverbs he wrote for his sons.  These wisdom sayings would lead his children to the “Best Life” they desired, but only if the steps were applied:

Proverbs 3:1-2
My son, don’t forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commands;
for they will bring you many days, a full life, and well-being.

King Solomon’s Best Life teaching involves both Do’s and Don’ts…sometimes within the same teaching, in order to provide contrast.  His first step involved our reputation (link).  His second step looked at how we can make sure our lives are heading in the right direction (link).  His third step was about our health and healing (link).  His fourth step discussed how to properly handle having an abundance (link).  King Solomon’s fifth and final step to our Best Life is something we have a love/hate relationship with: discipline.

If we’re honest, we’ll all agree that we love the results of discipline, but we don’t necessarily like receiving discipline.

No one who is at the “top of their game” – whether that “game” is business, sports, relationships, money, or anything else – is there by accident.  You can have tons of talent, even more talent than anyone ever born…but if you’re not disciplined in how you use and develop that talent, you will never reach your Best Life full potential.

But here’s the real kicker, probably the thing that bugs us most about discipline – you can have self-discipline, and that’s super-beneficial, but if you don’t have an outside authority to coach, correct, shape, and even rebuke or punish you…then you’ll have a ceiling that you can’t break through on your own.

The top athletes all recognize the need for a personal trainer.  The best CEOs bring in coaching consultants.  When our relationships breakdown with our spouse or our kids, we find a counselor.  Having a financial planner is key to winning long-term with money.  Could each of these people go at it alone?  Sure, they could.  But they wouldn’t be their best.  Their progress would slow to the level of their own education and experience.

Think about it – Every one of these “successes” pays their hard-earned money and chooses to submit to another person’s authority, because they believe that person can help them reach their full potential.  They are willing to be guided and disciplined by an outside authority so they can become a bigger success than they ever could have achieved on their own.

The question for us as believers is “Do we view God the same way?  Do we trust His guidance and discipline, or do we avoid His correction because we’d rather do it our way?”

However, if we’re going to live our Best Life, if we’re going to reach our full potential…King Solomon tells us not only Who to turn to, but what His motivation is toward us:

Proverbs 3:11-12
Do not despise the Lord’s instruction, my son, and do not loathe His discipline;
for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, just as a father disciplines the son in whom He delights.

God doesn’t just discipline us because He sees potential in us, His motivation comes from His love for us.  The parallel King Solomon cites is a powerful one – a good father lovingly provides instruction and discipline so that his son will become the fully-realized man that he could be.  God’s approach is the same with us.  God loves and delights in us, and as such, He disciplines us for our own good.

Our Best Life doesn’t happen by accident…it’s not something we’re going to just fall into or someone else is going to provide for us.  Achieving our Best Life truly is a partnership with God…and that means we’re signing up for His discipline.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I stepped in it. Literally.

We decorate our house for Halloween with the same “cute monster” theme each year.  The main part of the decoration are the huge pairs of googly eyes that we put into several bushes in the yard.  They are absolutely hilarious looking, and our neighborhood loves them.

The morning after putting them up this year, as I was walking our dog back to our house, I was looking at the googly eyes and chuckling to myself about how they make our bushes seem like they have expressions and goofy personalities.  I was so wrapped up in admiring my own work, that I stepped in another dog’s feces.  This shouldn’t have been a surprise, because it had been on the road for a day or two. I knew it was there, but since I was distracted, I stepped directly in it.  Immediately, I knew what I had done and that it was going to be inconvenient to clean up.

Soon after, my mind went to a story from the life of King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon.  One night, he had a dream that frightened him.  When he described it to his wise men and court officials, no one could interpret it for him.  He eventually sought out Daniel for help.  Daniel’s news wasn’t good.  He warned the king that judgement from God was coming…on him personally.  God was going to take away his rulership and cause him to go crazy.  The king would abandon his palace and go live with the wild animals for a set number of days, until he recognized that Israel’s God was the true ruler of everything.  Daniel was troubled by this interpretation as well, and he ended with a personal plea for the king to change his ways now so that maybe God would relent.

Perhaps the king took Daniel’s advice and changed his ways, at least for a time because the dream’s interpretation did not transpire right away.  But one year later, it did happen:

Daniel 4:29-32
At the end of twelve months, as he was walking on the roof of the royal palace in Babylon, the king exclaimed, “Is this not Babylon the Great that I have built to be a royal residence by my vast power and for my majestic glory?”

While the words were still in the king’s mouth, a voice came from heaven: “King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is declared that the kingdom has departed from you.  You will be driven away from people to live with the wild animals, and you will feed on grass like cattle for seven periods of time, until you acknowledge that the Most High is ruler of human kingdoms, and He gives them to anyone He wants.”

And so it happened…for seven periods of time his life of ease and authority were taken away.  He really “stepped in it”, didn’t he?  Although he was warned, he was still so full of himself and self-promoting that God had to intervein directly into his life.  Fortunately for him, his punishment had an expiration:

Daniel 4:34, 36-37
But at the end of those days, I, Nebuchadnezzar, looked up to heaven, and my sanity returned to me.  Then I praised the Most High and honored and glorified Him who lives forever…At that time my sanity returned to me, and my majesty and splendor returned to me for the glory of my kingdom.  My advisers and my nobles sought me out, I was reestablished over my kingdom, and even more greatness came to me.  Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt, and glorify the King of the heavens, because all His works are true and His ways are just.  He is able to humble those who walk in pride.

The last line is the lesson God wanted King Nebuchadnezzar to learn – that He is able to humble those who walk in pride.  To get His point across, God had to take drastic measures in the king’s life.  The king had to lose it all before he realized Who had given it all to him to manage.

How many times in life have we “stepped in it” because we’re too wrapped up in our own stuff? 
How many times has God had to step in and knock us down a peg so we remember where our blessings come from?

To keep the first century believers from falling into the same trap, two New Testament authors (James and Peter) quote Israel’s King Solomon:

1 Peter 5:5
All of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

James 4:6, 10
But He gives greater grace.  Therefore he says: “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.”…Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.

After Nebuchadnezzar’s humble-pie-adventure, perhaps Daniel taught him Solomon’s wisdom.  Nebuchadnezzar’s example encourages us to learn the same lesson now, before our self-centeredness needs God to step in and give correction.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

How to deal with conflict

Ever get the urge to just “knock some sense” into someone?

Or at the very least, give them a verbal beat down that will “set them right” – and maybe let us blow off a little steam?

Take Paul’s protégé Timothy as an example.

He’s in a major metropolitan city he didn’t grow up in, he’s (at most) 30 years old, he’s in charge of the entire Christian church family in the city, and Paul has charged him with combating false doctrine and incorrect teachings of others.

How much conflict is going to come his way?  How many folks will be coming at him to argue with him?  Think he’ll have days where he feels the need to put someone in their place?

The Greek word for rebuke means just that – to strike or beat upon, to chastise with words.  I’m sure there were more than a few people (even some of them believers) who would have needed a strong dose of correction.

But look at how Paul says the young leader Timothy should handle those people:

1 Timothy 5:1-2
Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters.

While a rebuke would be a sharp, cutting word of correction, Timothy’s choice to exhort the person sits at the opposite end of the spectrum.  The Greek word translated exhort means to call to one’s side, to encourage and strengthen by consolation, comfort, or instruction.

Paul knew his Old Testament well.  As he directed Timothy, he likely had this proverb in mind:

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

In a separate letter, Paul reminded the believers in Rome:

Romans 2:4
Or do you despise the riches of His kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Going toe-to-toe with an angry patron would make it difficult for Timothy to reach them with lasting correction and change.  Nor would harsh words model how God treats us.

One last observation to make.  Did you see the extra note Paul included for Timothy’s interaction with younger women?  With all propriety, [exhort] younger women as sisters.  We’ve all seen it too many times.  A high-ranking church leader losing his reputation, his job, and his influence for Christ due to an inappropriate relationship with another woman. 

Men, hear me clearly – if we do not keep ourselves intentionally pure and sinless in this area, especially with younger women, then we are inviting destruction into our lives.  Carelessness in this area will bring shame to ourselves and significant damage to God’s reputation in this life…and then we’ll have to answer to Jesus at the Bema Seat judgment.  You don’t want that.  I don’t want that.  We must take any steps necessary to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.

So, here’s Paul direction to Timothy, all fleshed out:

Do not rebuke and older man, but exhort him as a father
Do not rebuke a younger man, but exhort him as a brother
Do not rebuke an older woman, but exhort her as a mother
Do not rebuke a younger woman, but – with all integrity – exhort her as a sister.

Put these into practice, and you will reflect God to others.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

How to give correction, lovingly

No one likes a phony, especially when we are on the receiving end of correction. 

When presented with correction, our human nature will begin to build a defense any way that it can.  We justify our understanding, we make excuses for any gaps, and – if possible – we challenge the credibility of the messenger.

Because – we rationalize – if the person correcting us can be shown to be deficient, then we feel justified in not heeding their correction.

So does this mean we must have our lives perfectly put together before we can rebuke anyone?  Of course not.  However, those of us who lead know how difficult it can be for correction to be received and implemented…and how even more difficult it is to prompt a change in behavior when our own actions need some work.

Throughout his letter, Paul is mentors and advises Timothy on how those in charge in the church are supposed to lead and live.  Paul knows that it is not enough for a leader to just “go through the motions”.  So in addition to discussing what a leader is supposed to do, Paul also points out how they are to do these things, as well as their motivation of character behind doing them.

So when it comes to correcting error, take a look at where Paul tells Timothy he should be coming from:

1 Timothy 1:3-5
As I urged you when I went to Macedonia, remain in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach other doctrine or to pay attention to myths and endless genealogies.  These promote empty speculations rather than God’s plan, which operates by faith.

Now the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.

This love is the agape love, which is a ‘give-all’ kind of love that one has for the benefit of others.  This is the kind of love that God shows us; and in the context of giving correction, it is the kind of love Timothy is to have for his fellow believers who are messing around with bad teachings.

The goal of Timothy’s instruction is to show love to those he is correcting and that they will accept the correction, change their focus back to God’s plan, and also participate in the same agape love.

But this is where character matters.

Timothy could say “I’m correcting you because I love you” and still be a total jerk about it.
Timothy could say “I’m telling you this because I love you” and be a hypocrite.
Timothy could say “I’m commanding you to stop because you’re wrong and I’m in charge”.

In each of these situations, Timothy would be right – they need to be corrected – but he would have a difficult time convincing his fellow believer that change is necessary.

When we own ‘our stuff’, it is much easier to lovingly comment on ‘other people’s stuff’.  This applies to everyone, but especially those of us in leadership positions – at church, at work, or in the home.  Let’s take steps to keep our hearts pure, our conscience clear, and our faith sincere…and then love others accordingly, especially when they need correction.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

A leader's rebuke

When we study the Bible, one way that we know the importance of a subject is how many verses the author uses to talk about it.  If he talks about it more, then the subject matter is being emphasized in relation to the other topics within the book.

Paul’s letter to Titus is no different.  While spending the entire first chapter describing the expectations for those who lead in a church, Paul spends about 5 verses discussing how a leader should treat his family, conduct himself, and interact with others…and then spends the next eight verses discussing one topic: How a leader handles God’s message and the reasons why it is such an important topic.

We saw that Paul warned for Titus and the church leaders to be on the lookout for those who would come and distort the good news that Jesus came and paid the penalty for our sins, thus restoring our relationship with God.  However, Paul wasn’t only concerned with direct opposition to the leaders, he also showed concern for the Cretan believers. 

Titus 1:12-13 Even one of their own prophets has said, “Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons.”  This testimony is true. 

This quote is attributed to Epimenides, from about the 6th century BC.  And Paul agrees with the philosopher’s assessment!  In the ancient world, to “Cretonize” someone meant to both “double-deal” and “to lie”, all rolled into one.  Paul recognizes that the Cretan reputation had not improved for hundreds of years, and that Titus would have to watch out for this kind of behavior as he appointed leaders for the churches.  If Cretans acted like that on their own, imagine what would happen to the church if its leaders adopted the teachings of those who were

Titus 1:11 …ruining whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach – and that for the sake of dishonest gain.

This kind of situation would damage both the local believers’ relationship with God, but also God’s reputation to those outside of the church.  Paul’s solution to the Cretans’ default behavior was clear and direct:

Titus 1:13 Therefore, rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith and will pay no attention to Jewish myths or to the commands of those who reject the truth.

In this “sharp rebuke”, Paul was not giving Titus the license to simply blast another believer and then walk away.  The word used for rebuke also carries the idea of exposing, showing fault, and convincing.  Paul is directing Titus to deal with false teaching directly and swiftly, however, he is not giving permission to “hit-and-run” someone who is incorrectly presenting the gospel.  Exposing, showing fault, rebuking, and convincing someone will likely take some time and patience.  It will be hard, but the health of the church depends on it.

The Cretan church leaders must be rooted in their relationship with God through the Scriptures.  Only then would they be able to handle these upcoming situations with those who reject the truth or with those who were more interested in Jewish myths than teaching the gospel.  Clearly this is why Paul spends so much time on this subject; the emphasis he gives it is absolutely necessary.

Are our leaders rooted in Scripture?  How do they handle false teachings and cultural pressures?  These are important topics to consider, as they affect both our individual relationships with God, but also God’s reputation to those outside of the church.

Keep Pressing,
Ken