Proverbial life: you need a friend

We’re taking a topic-focused tour of the book of Proverbs.  Although Solomon was commenting on life roughly 3000 years ago, his observations ring loud and clear in today’s modern times.  In this blog post, we’ll be looking at a topic that is both incredibly simple and challenge-level hard: being open with a friend.

The loneliness statistics in America are staggering.  Cigna did a massive loneliness study in 2018, and here are a few of their findings:

·       Nearly 50% of Americans reported sometimes or always feeling alone
·       Two in five Americans sometimes or always feel that their relationships are not meaningful and that they are isolated from others.
·       One in five people report they rarely or never feel close to people or feel like there are people they can talk to.
·       Generation Z (adults ages 18-22) is the loneliest generation

Cigna followed up with another study in 2019 and a post-pandemic study – with both showing that the numbers are getting worse, not better.

We need connection.  God made us for community.  Solomon knew this and included wisdom about friendships in his collection of proverbs.  But friendships can be messy, can’t they?  A supportive relationship with someone who isn’t a blood relative or a direct dependent takes energy and effort.  While it may be tempting to just withdraw and focus on ourselves, Solomon actually cautioned against doing so:

Proverbs 18:1
One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires;
he rebels against all sound wisdom.

Without outside counsel, our aims become very selfish.  But seriously, what else would we expect?  If we’re going to isolate ourselves away from others, there’s no one left for us to focus on besides ourselves.  The problem with doing so is that we become self-centered in our thoughts and actions.  Isolation and loneliness is a trap for our minds, one that keeps us away from sound wisdom.  If we are alone long enough, our blind spots and selfishness warp our minds to the point that we reject – or even rebel against – any wisdom that comes our way.

But friendship is more than just correcting each other when we’re drifting toward selfishness.  Solomon also addressed one of the main benefits of having a friend:

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a difficult time.

We were made to give and receive love.  Knowing you have a friend in your corner, someone that loves you at all times, is a great resource.  When we are giving that same love to our friend, we are removing our focus off of ourself.  This giving-receiving love process actually protects us from the isolation trap that Solomon described in the previous proverb.  Difficult times will come, but they are easier to navigate with a friend in your corner.

However, don’t think a loving friendship means that your friend has to always agree with you or support your ideas.  Sometimes, we need to be told that we’re heading in the wrong direction:

Proverbs 27:6
The wounds of a friend are trustworthy,
but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

Even coming from a friend, correction still stings.  However, when we know our friend has our best interests in mind, the times they choose to warn us – even figuratively wound us – we know we can trust them.  This again goes back to the first proverb we looked at…a friend’s trustworthy correction keeps us from rebelling against all sound wisdom. 

If all you get are excessive compliments and kisses from someone, especially if they are nudging you towards your selfish desires or unsafe situations…that person is not the friend you need when a difficult time arrives.  Solomon warns us to be very careful with someone who tries to deceive us with an abundance of praise.

Our last proverb is probably the most quoted proverb on this topic.  With just eight words, Solomon perfectly describes the goal of friendships:

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron,
and one person sharpens another.

The goal of a friendship is to make each other better, to make each other sharper.  There are many things to love about Solomon’s word picture, but the main thing to take away is that the sharpening process doesn’t happen for someone who has isolated themselves.  Isolation develops a selfish mind and dulls our lives.  We need one another to help us grow into the man or woman that God has made us to be.

Do you have a friend you can count on, or are you feeling lonely?  If you’re drifting toward loneliness, talk to God about it and be on the lookout for someone you can connect with.  Do not let yourself become comfortable with being alone…you weren’t made for that.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Pause and recognize need

My family has an often-quoted saying that you’ve probably heard or even used yourself.  Whenever someone can’t find something and then it is suddenly found right next to (or in front of) them, they’re reprimanded with the statement “If it was a snake it would have bit you”.  The point of the phrase is pretty straight-forward: if what you were looking for was dangerous, you’d be dead by now…so why didn’t you see it when you looked right at it?

Sometimes, it’s the milk in the fridge.  Other times, I can’t find my wallet.  I can’t tell you how many times my boys would walk through the house “looking” for their shoes, but for some reason they were not looking for them at floor level, the most likely place for shoes to be – and they would walk right by them.

It's amazing the things we miss that are right in front of us, if we’re actually looking for them.  Jesus’ disciples were not immune to this failing, either.  For our example, we’re dropping into a scene that is pretty normal for Jesus’ ministry:

Matthew 9:35
Jesus continued going around to all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and every sickness.

Jesus took His disciples everywhere, throughout all the towns and villages in order to tell the Jewish people that the long-prophesized Kingdom of Israel was available to their generation because Jesus is the promised Messiah.  Although Jesus was doing all the Messiah-type things (teaching, preaching, and healing every disease and every sickness), Matthew’s account gives us some specific detail about Jesus’ mindset as He interacted with the people:

Matthew 9:36-37
When He saw the crowds, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dejected, like sheep without a shepherd.  Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is abundant, but the workers are few.”

Let’s pause right here.  Jesus wasn’t just administering His office of Messiah.  He wasn’t simply going through the motions, above all the “little people” and expecting the masses to follow because He held a title.  When Jesus looked at the crowds, He saw them.  Jesus saw their distress and recognized their dejected countenance.  Seeing this across the crowds, Jesus felt compassion for them.

This is a rather important observation.  For Jesus to recognize the pain and suffering of the people, He would need to be looking at them on an individual basis.  Recognizing this level of need isn’t something you can do with a quick-survey glance across a sea of faces.  He knew that Israel’s leaders had failed them.  Both the political rulers and the religious leaders had left the people to fend for themselves…and so they were like sheep without a shepherd, left to wander about on their own with no guidance, no assistance, and no protection.

Then He said to His disciples, “If it was a snake, it would have bit you”.  Ok, not quite…but pretty close.  Jesus told His disciples that there are plenty of people who desperately need to hear good news, but there are too few who know this and are willing to work to bring this good news to these distressed and dejected people. 

So what did Jesus tell His disciples to do?

Matthew 9:38
“Therefore, pray to the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest.”

When was the last time you prayed that God would encourage and strengthen believers to tell others about the good news that our sin-debt is forgiven and we can have eternal life if we believe in Jesus for it?  There are so many in our society that long to be “seen” as Jesus saw the crowds.  They need to know that their pain, suffering, questions, struggles, and fears are recognized by someone who has compassion on them.  Even today, Jesus’ statement is still true: The harvest is abundant, but the workers are few.

Praying for us to recognize need and for other believers to recognize need is an important step – but not the only step.  Honestly, prayer is just the first step.  We find Jesus giving the second step a few verses later:

Matthew 10:5
Jesus sent out these twelve after giving them instructions

After praying that God’s people would participate in God’s mission – we need to get to work in the areas that God has sent us. 

Let’s be real practical and intentional with this:

To effectively see people and see their needs like Jesus did, we need to slow down.  We can’t help someone with a flat tire if we’re flying down the left lane of the interstate.  Similarly, we won’t be able to recognize those who are ready to hear some good news if we’re consumed with the busyness of our own lives. 

Pray about it.  Slow down enough to see people where they are.  Have compassion.  Share the good news.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

My prayer group

For nearly two years, I’ve spent almost every Monday morning with a small group of guys from my church.  From 7:15-7:45am, we meet to pray.  We were meeting face-to-face, but during the pandemic we’ve continued to meet together via Zoom.  Throughout our time as a men’s prayer group, we’ve moved from a group of guys who get together to pray into a band of brothers who genuinely care for each other.  We’ve prayed with each other through many uncertainties, especially when it comes to our own health, work struggles, or life events.  Together, we’ve prayed about cancer and kidney stones, car accidents and child raising, job difficulties and times of uncertainty. 

Our ages range quite a bit and our life experiences vary greatly.  Our careers do not intersect, and it’s highly unlikely we would have any meaningful relationships, if not for being part of God’s family.  But here we are, each week, checking on each other and checking in with God.  By doing so, we are fulfilling one of Paul’s directions to his protégé, Timothy:

1 Timothy 2:1-4
First of all, then I urge that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for everyone, for kings and all those who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.  This is good, and it pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

The topics we pray about are wide open.  We do not pray for everything and everyone every time, but here is a sample list of topics that we routinely bring before God:

We pray
for each other, our families, our church leadership;
for wisdom in decision making;
for grace when we are offended or attacked;
for help for those who are hurting, how to help those we know who are in pain;
how to reach out to the community to show them that we love them, we are for them, and that, ultimately, God loves them. 

We pray
for wisdom for how we can best invest in the generation coming up behind us;
for those fighting COVID19 – both the patients and the healthcare workers;
for our city, county, state, and national leadership – that God would provide good counselors and wisdom to make the best decisions possible for the situations at hand;
for those who are depressed, anxious, and dealing with doubts. 

At least some part of the prayer is asking God to help us apply the pastor’s message from the day before…it’s fresh in our minds, so we ask God to show us how live out God’s Word and His love.

Do we have to pray as a group?  Not necessarily.  Of course, any single one of us can talk to God about anything and at any time.  Every topic listed above is fair game if I’m going to pray by myself and petition the Creator of everything.  However, this time every Monday is special to me for a variety of reasons:

·       It’s a great way to start off a week – to intentionally focus on God’s agenda for 30 minutes before daily life and the work agenda clamors for my attention.  Listening to their prayer helps keep my mind from wandering.
·       It’s encouraging to hear someone else pray for the things that are on my own heart.  I find that I’m not the only one who needs God’s strength in the weak areas of my life…a friend is asking for help and direction in the same place.
·       It reminds me of other situations that need to be lifted to God in prayer.  There are so many needs – I don’t know them all and for those I am aware of, I can’t remember them all.  However, when I am silently agreeing with their petition to our Heavenly Father, I am reminded of how far God’s love can reach and how deep our world’s needs are. 
·       It’s encouraging to hear others praise God – both for what He has done and for who He is.  Finding out how God is working in other people’s lives reminds me of how BIG God is…and that He is working in ways I cannot see or understand…and without asking my permission or seeking my approval to do so!

Our consistent gathering together for prayer fulfills part of God’s will for us.  Look at how Paul instructed the believers in Thessalonica regarding what they should be doing as a congregation:

1 Thessalonians 5:11, 16-18
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing…Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I encourage you to find a group to begin praying with.  A group of men or a group of women outside your immediate family circle.  Prayer isn’t so much about changing God’s mind as it becomes allowing God to change ours.  When we pray for the things that are on our hearts and desire to match them up with what is on His heart…we are slowly shaped into the likeness of Jesus.  Praying in a group of people who want to do God’s will enriches that process in ways that do not happen when we pray solo.

If you can’t find a group to pray with, ask a friend to meet with you…either in person or via Zoom/WhatsApp/FaceTime/etc…and don’t be surprised when others want to join in as well.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Jesus and the outcasts

One of the peculiar things about Jesus’ time on Earth was the people He chose to spend time with. 

Luke 15:1-2
All the tax collectors and sinners were approaching to listen to Him.  And the Pharisees and scribes were complaining, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

When someone was welcomed or you would eat with them, it was assumed to be an acceptance, or even an approval, of their lifestyle.

The upper class, who claimed to be closest to God, were baffled and ended up complaining that someone who has such a great following, such inherent authority, and such great wisdom…was not falling in line with the social norms of class and status that they followed.  Even Jesus’ disciples were amazed at who He would take time with.  For example:

Mark 10:13-16
People were bringing little children to Him in order that He might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them.  When Jesus saw it, He was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me.  Don’t stop them, because the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”  After taking them in His arms, He laid His hands on them and blessed them.

Infant mortality was high in the ancient world.  As such, small children were of little value until they grew enough to contribute to the family.  Still thinking within society’s attitudes and values, the disciples thought it would be a waste of time for the Messiah to be with little children.

After recording Jesus’ most famous sermon, ‘The Sermon on the Mount’, Matthew describes the waves of people who were constantly approaching Jesus.  Matthew 8-9 records the following: healing a man who had leprosy, healing a paralyzed man without being physically next to him, healing Peter’s mom of a fever, casting out demons, healing those who were sick, healing a paralytic brought to Him, calling a tax collector to be a disciple, bringing a dead girl back to life, healing a woman who suffered from bleeding for twelve years, and healing two blind men.

All of these individuals were isolated in some way by their disease, their spiritual condition, or their job status.  They would have been on the fringes of society – those with diseases had to be physically isolated from others, it was generally assumed that those with broken bodies were being punished by God, those with demonic influences or behaviors were shunned, and tax collectors were considered to be traitors to their own countrymen.  For people in these groups, acceptance was hard to come by.

And yet, these were the ones that Jesus healed and spent time with.  At the end of Matthew 9, we find out why:

Matthew 9:35-38
Jesus continued going around to all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and every sickness.  When He saw the crowds, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dejected, like sheep without a shepherd.

Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is abundant, but the workers are few.  Therefore, pray to the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest.”

Jesus felt compassion for those who were cast aside, those who felt distressed and dejected.  He didn’t just acknowledge their plight and move on with His life – He stopped and took the time to interact with and help them.  Even if high society had different values.  Even if the religious leaders expected different behavior.  Jesus saw the crowds as sheep without a shepherd; they needed His compassion and leadership…and no one else thought they were important enough for either one.

Learning to see the crowds as He did was one of the lessons Jesus had to repeatedly teach His disciples.  It’s one we should expect Jesus to teach us, as well.

Jesus rebuked His disciples for hindering those they thought unworthy.  Jesus instructed His disciples to pray that God sends out more of His workers to reach out to society’s outcasts.  And then, in the next set of verses (Matthew 10), Jesus sends out His disciples to work.

Get your thinking corrected, pray for assistance, and then get to work.  That’s Jesus’ plan for those who follow Him.

Why?  Because He values the outcast.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Hurricane on the doorstep

Hurricane Florence is barreling its way toward the East Coast.  We’re in central North Carolina, so we’re inline for some weather.  No one really knows how bad it’s going to be or where the worst will end up happening, but we’ve been preparing all week as best as we can.

I’d like to share with you some of the things (among the many thoughts) I’ve been thinking these last few days:

·       On a daily basis, we are rather careless with our words, aren’t we?  This was the best dinner ever made.  That was the worst meeting in the history of meetings.  She’s clueless.  He’s stupid.  This Netflix show is the greatest thing ever invented.  However, for the aftermath of Hurricane Florence…the word “devastation” will not be an exaggeration.  That’s a tough word to say.  It’s tougher to witness.  It’s a word we’re afraid to live through.

·       For some people…eternity will begin this weekend.  No matter how many precautions we take, the unpredictableness and utter ferocity of the storm will certainly lead to people losing their earthly lives.  We’ve been preparing for this massive storm…seeking out information and supplies, and then making our best decision based upon what we’ve found.  But are we prepared for the most important event of our lives?  How have we responded to Jesus’ claims of being the way, the truth, and the life and that no one comes to the Father except through Me [John 14:6]?  Our acceptance or rejection of Jesus is the most important preparation decision we can make.

·       I keep coming back to the most famous line in Moses’ psalm:

Psalm 90:12
Teach us to number our days carefully
so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.

·       We may lose possessions when, or even after, Hurricane Florence makes landfall.  However, everything we own is ultimately destined for a garage sale, the garbage dump, or the recycle bin.  Our things won’t last, hurricane or no hurricane.  Even if we lose everything we own…there is a higher, more impactful, purpose for this life.  Sometimes, it takes a tragedy for us to see from that vantage point.  I wish it didn’t.

If you are not in this storm’s path, please petition God on our behalf.  Pray that He will be seen in the way His children handle this event.

If you are in any way affected by this storm – be wise.  Paul wasn’t directly discussing natural disasters, but his direction still applies:

1 Corinthians 10:31, 33
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God…not seeking [your] own benefit, but the benefit of many, so that they may be saved.

How can we ride out, survive, shine, and rebuild from Hurricane Florence for the glory of God?  After all…everything means everything…even the hard circumstances.  So be wise and number your days carefully.

Keep Pressing,
Ken