Better, but different

Eleven weeks ago, I told you that I was in need of an extended break.  I had just exited a crazy busy season where I was so focused on plowing through that I disregarded all the warning signs that something could be wrong.  In the midst of it all, although I needed time to rest and recharge, I instead leaned on moments of escapism…only to jump back on the hamster wheel and start running again. 

After days turning into weeks, and weeks piling into months…I finally took a few days off of work…and my first day back felt as numb as my last day on.  I panicked.  I have never felt so exhausted and empty, and my go-to fix of “getting away from work” hadn’t fixed anything.  Instead, in my exhausted panic, other issues that I thought had been dealt with (but were really only set aside and not resolved) came to the surface and demanded my attention. 

One of the things I learned is that if you don’t declare a finish line, your body will.  So, I had to pull back and say “no” to many good things that I was doing and had been doing for a long time.  I had to get super honest about what I was experiencing with some friends, my wife, and myself.  I had to stop writing THE WORD so I could go to Scripture without the pressure of figuring out how to teach from it.

Even though dealing with burnout is new to me, my situation isn’t unique.  There are others who have walked this scorched road before, and I appreciate their help and insight.  Thankfully, all of them have referred to their burnout as a “season” and not a permanent lifestyle.  This one, consistent comment gives me hope that what I’ve experienced isn’t going to last forever.

When King Solomon was investigating the ever-looming life questions of purpose and meaning, he made these observations:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-3
There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven:
a time to give birth and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to uproot;
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to tear down and a time to build;

We will experience these cycles over and over, season after season.  Even if we aren’t expecting a change in season to occur, we can be certain that these life cycles will eventually continue on to the next.  Although Solomon was likely bemoaning the cyclical nature of our existence with these contrasts, we can find God walking with us during each of these times.  And while these cycles do not change – we do.  God uses these times to reveal who we are and to refine us by who He is.

I’m not done healing from my burnout.  I am doing better…but I am also different.  And I expect it will take months (if not the rest of this year) to continue healing and explore what this difference means.  

THE WORD will continue, for now.  I do not believe God has told me to stop teaching here, and I expect to continue until He says otherwise.  I appreciate your prayers on my behalf…and your patience with me as we continue to walk the road in front of us, one step at a time.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I…I need a break

Let’s talk for a minute, ok? 

Just you and me.  Grab a cup of coffee, take a seat.

How are you doing?  Good, I hope.  Me?  Not so much.

I’m coming out of a very busy season, and I’m just now getting a chance to breathe again.  You may have noticed that for the last five weeks, the blog posts have all been “Flashback Favorites”, and for that I apologize.  My schedule has been so exhausting that I have not had the mental energy to study Scripture well and write up new blog posts to the standard I expect from myself as a teacher of God’s Word. 

But to be honest, my struggles were happening much before the most recent busy season started.  In my hard-headedness, I have ignored all the warning signs…either attempting to “power through” what I called a rough patch or simply convincing myself that “it’s only a season” – when in reality, it wasn’t a rough patch or a season…it was just my life.

During work this week, I looked out the window, and I could see the wind blowing the leaves off our red oak tree.  One leaf, then a small group of them, then two more frittered by…an uneven stream of dead tree pieces gently wisping away from increasingly barren branches.  “That,” I thought to myself, “is an apt picture of how I feel.”  To quote Bilbo Baggins, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

I didn’t have a name for what I’m experiencing right now, until I started the book “At Your Best” by Carey Nieuwhof.  The word for what I’m dealing with is burnout.  Experienced by many, but it’s new to me.  Common signs of burnout include time off no longer being restful, decreased productivity, no passion/emotionally flat, a cynical attitude, and a sharp decline in physical/mental/emotional/spiritual health.  I am in the midst of all of these, to one degree or another.

So, my friend, I need to take a step back.  I need calendar space and emotional grace to process what got me here, how I will move forward, and where God is in this moment.  I didn’t plan on being here.  This wasn’t my aim.  And yet…here we are.

So, this is my plan (at least, as much as I have at the moment): I need to get back to meeting with God in His Word, without the constant pressure of “How am I going to teach this truth to someone else?”  I need to step out from under the weight of a writing a weekly blog that aims to share God’s Word in a Biblically-solid, enlightening, and occasionally humorous way.  I’ve been doing this for over 11 years now, and I feel really dry right at this moment.  I have several close friends that I’ll be talking with regularly as I work through this.  I trust their godly advice and their love for me.  So, please know that I’m not going at this alone (as tempting as that might be).

Here’s what it means for THE WORD: I’m going to republish a series I walked through three years ago, because its premise is going to be helpful to me over the coming weeks.  I am hopeful that it is helpful to you as well.  As we navigate the demands of life, we move at a rather frantic tempo.  This pace rarely, if ever, allows us to pause and meet with God in the moment.  The blog series I’m bringing back looked at specific stories from Jesus’ life in the book of Matthew, intentionally “pausing” in real-life moments.  I want to get better at pausing and recognizing God in my daily moments.  My hope and prayer is that this series will do the same for you.

Just last night, before I went to sleep, I was reading through Psalm 22.  Jesus recited this psalm as He hung on the cross.  It’s profoundly prophetic that King David would write these words 1,000 years before Jesus arrived.  The entire psalm is a back-and-forth between struggling with a crushing circumstance and yet still looking to God for rescue.  Here is the verse that I paused on:

Psalm 22:19
But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.

That simple prayer, do not be far from me, is what I’ll be praying over the coming weeks.

I won’t take up much more of your time, but I would ask – if you choose to pray for me – that you would pray that I do not waste this time away.  It would be an easy trap for me to fall into.  While I do need rest, I do not need my rest to become simply escapism.  Also, please pray that I accept whatever changes God presents to me, in whatever areas of life He chooses to rearrange.  It may be time to trust Him in new ways.

Thank you for listening, my friend.  I appreciate your understanding, your patience, and you giving me grace. 

Keep Pressing,
Ken

The best "Next Step"

Have you ever learned something – some perspective-changing information – and then have it stuck in your thinking?  It’s like the concept has taken up residence your brain, and the implications of your new understanding suddenly bleed over into other areas of your life?

Well, that’s been me recently…with this whole “better meal” concept that Jesus pointed out.  In the previous post, we looked at the dynamic between Martha and Mary, when Jesus arrived at their house for a visit.  Martha got busy serving, but Mary chose to spend her time receiving what she could from Jesus’ conversation and teaching.  Here’s how that day played out:

Luke 10:38-42
While they were traveling, He entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home.  She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what He said.  But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t You care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  So tell her to give me a hand.”

The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.”

What has stuck in my mind is how Jesus acknowledged that Martha was worried about the meal preparations, but He gently told her that Mary had chosen the “better meal”. 

So…if spending time with Jesus is the best choice – the right choice – for us believers, then we need to ask ourselves: How am I doing with that?  When was the last time I sat and listened for what He has to say?

That’s a great place to start; however, my line of thinking didn’t stop with just me and my relationship with Jesus.  My mind then made the short leap to thinking about how well the entire body of Christ is partaking in the “better meal”.  And if we, as Christians, need help to understand what this “better meal” looks like in our lives – then what is the church doing to promote this?

Since we are all at different stages in our relationship with God, churches often talk about and encourage believers to take the right “Next Step” from wherever they are.  And rightfully, they should.  But what are the most common “Next Steps” made available?

After checking out a number of church’s websites, it really is a mixed bag in terms of what steps are presented (if any) as being part of a believer’s walk with Christ.  The most common suggestions are volunteering to serve within the church or plugging into a small group or community group.  The group activities typically range from social hangout events to community volunteer work, and people are generally encouraged to “do life together”. 

While these options do good, helpful actions…they generally fall under the ‘Martha’ category and not the ‘Mary’ category.  They aren’t what Jesus referred to as the “better meal”.  We can learn a lot, grow a lot, and do a lot of good with our actions…but eventually, we’ll grow weary and burn out, wondering if this “Christian-life thing” is really worth all the effort.

The truth of the matter is we can’t confidently do what Jesus wants us to do until we know what Jesus wants us to know.  We must make the same choice that Mary made – we must choose the better meal – to sit at the feet of the master and focus on Him.

During last weekend’s sermon, our lead pastor asked the question “Do you know why most people fall asleep in church? It’s not just the boring guys that stand up here.  It’s because this is the most still and quiet you sit for this period of time all week long.”

If we’re honest, we know that listening to someone else talk about Jesus for 30 minutes isn’t enough to maintain us, let alone for us to live fully alive.  We need better fuel than what comes second-hand and once-a-week.  We need to go directly to the source.  We need Jesus.

But in our crazy world how does that work?  How do we find time to sit at His feet?  Better yet, how do we sit at His feet, if we can’t see His feet?  The two best ways for us modern believers to sit at Jesus’ feet is to engage in prayer and look at Jesus’ life in the Bible. 

Maybe we avoid these things because we don’t believe we have the time.  If this is you, then I encourage you to ask God to show you were you can carve out 15 minutes of your day.  It’s a simple, straight-forward request, “God, I want to prioritize time with You, but I don’t know when I can.  You know my schedule, please show me a time to meet with You.”  Trust me, God will show you a time, and you’ll be amazed at what He can do in your life with just 15 minutes.

Maybe we avoid these things because we’re not confident in our ability to do them.  No one is expected to be a Prayer Warrior or a Bible Scholar the moment they believe.  We can take comfort in knowing there are many examples in the Bible of people asking to be taught how to pray or how to handle the Scriptures.  In my upcoming posts, we’ll look at a few of the examples.  The important thing right now is that we start – talk to God and read some of Luke or John.  Look at one story from Jesus’ life and see what you can learn about Him.  If you still feel like you need help, ask God to point out someone who can assist you.

Mary had to pass on some good things in order for her to do the best thing.  We may need to make some similar choices to fit the time into our daily schedule.  But remember…Jesus called spending time with Him “the right choice”.

Keep Pressing,
Ken