Pressing On

with THE WORD

A study of the Scriptures to discover who God is, what He is like, and how to partner with Him now.

Filtering by Tag: fathers

Not like father, not like son

About 10 years ago, I was having a conversation with one of my sons about serving in the church.  He was clearly agitated as we talked, and he steadily became even more bothered as the conversation went on.  I had asked him a few times what was bothering him, and when he was finally able to wrap words around his anxious feelings, he blurted out, “I’m not going to be able to write like you!

I never said you had to.” I quickly retorted.  However, in that moment I realized…somewhere along the way and throughout the years, my son believed that my service example was “the best way” for any Christ-follower to serve.  Or, at least, he thought that the best way for a Clouser-kid to serve must be to follow exactly in his father’s footsteps.  Truthfully, I had made a conscious effort to not put that kind of pressure on him – however, given his outburst of a response, he must have been thinking and feeling that internal stress for some time.  

We can all relate to what he was feeling, though.  We all want to measure up to our parents’ example, and we easily self-flog when we feel that we’ve fallen short of their accomplishments and abilities. 

For this month, I’ve embarked on a Bible reading plan that takes me through all 150 Psalms and 31 chapters of Proverbs.  I’ve often followed the easy plan of reading a chapter of Proverbs that matches whatever day of the month it is – so I read Proverbs 1 on the first day, Proverbs 15 on the 15th day, etc.  However, adding in 5 or so Psalms per day along with the daily chapter of Proverbs felt like a worthy goal.  After about 10 days of this reading plan, I made an interesting observation, based on the authors for these Scriptures:

Psalms is a collection of five songbooks that ancient Israel used for worship.  A variety of authors contributed individual songs – or psalms – to the collection, but the vast majority of them were written by King David.  Based on the musical comments David left at the beginning of his psalms, we recognize that he wrote these songs all throughout his life.  There are psalms from when he was a shepherd, when he was running from Saul before he became king, psalms when he faced coup attempts, and psalms about the prosperity of the nation.  Writing songs that could be used for individual or corporate worship was an impressive skill that David had, developed, and used to serve God and help others do so, as well.

Proverbs is a collection of wisdom sayings and teachings that ancient Israel used for learning and instruction.  A variety of authors contributed their short, clear wisdom sayings – or proverbs – to the collection, but the vast majority of them were written by King Solomon…who was King David’s son and successor.  Solomon’s lifelong quest for wisdom and understanding can be seen throughout the books that he authored – Proverbs, Song of Solomon, and Ecclesiastes.  Recording his findings in a way that is both practical and memorable was an impressive skill that Solomon had, developed, and used to serve God and help others do so, as well.

Stylistically, Psalms and Proverbs couldn’t be any more different.  The psalms are dripping with raw emotion, often concerned with the immediacy of a conflict in the moment.  The proverbs take a clean, logical approach to situations and often focus on the big picture of a person’s life.  David and Solomon did not have the same expressive style and service skillsets.  When it came to communicating God’s truths and writing Scripture, the son was definitely not “a chip off the old block”.

Even though David and Solomon had different temperaments and communication styles, they still communicated the same truths from God.  Here is just one example:

Psalm 54:1-5
God, save me by Your name, and vindicate me by your might!
God, hear my prayer; listen to the words from my mouth.
For strangers rise up against me, and violent men intend to kill me.
They do not let God guide them.

God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my life.
He will repay my adversaries for their evil.
Because of Your faithfulness, annihilate them.

David is pulling no punches here.  He is not mincing words.  His feelings are perfectly clear – God, I want you to annihilate my enemies.  Don’t try and sugarcoat this wording.  David wants his enemies to be exterminated.  He probably wouldn’t mind seeing them suffer on the way out, either.

Now, compare David’s song with a couple of Solomon’s proverbs.  Don’t get caught up in the brevity of the proverbs – they are purposefully short and pithy.  Instead, recognize the similarity of truth in both passages:

Proverbs 11:6, 8-9
The righteousness of the upright rescues them,
but the treacherous are trapped by their own desires.

The righteous one is rescued from trouble;
in his place, the wicked one goes in.

With his mouth the ungodly destroys his neighbor,
but through knowledge the righteous are rescued.

Both David and Solomon recognize the conflict between those who follow God and those who do not.  Both David and Solomon acknowledge the verbal threats coming from their enemies.  Both David and Solomon recognize that God is the reason for their rescue.

This is but one example of father and son exploring the same topics with their differing skillsets.  There are plenty more comparisons that could be made between the psalms and the proverbs.  I’m thankful that both books are available to us, so we can reap the benefits of these different approaches that point us back to the same God.  Father and son didn’t have to serve the same way – in fact, it’s better for us that they didn’t.  Some of us find comfort in relating to the psalms, and some of us gravitate more towards the proverbs.

Nowadays, both my boys are serving God – in ways that I never did at their age and in settings that are different from each other.  They have skillsets that I don’t and they reach others that I can’t – and that’s a good thing.  I’m certain you can say the same thing, too, in the ways you serve others with the skills and abilities that God has given you.  Because ultimately, no matter how we serve, we’re all pointing people back to the same God.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Practical application: parenting

In Colossians 3:18-19, Paul pointed out the oh-so-practical place to practice living like Christ – in our relationship with our spouse.  His next connection stays within the immediate family and is just as practical.

Colossians 3:20-21
Children obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord.  Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged.

As parents, we love this first sentence.  We secretly relish when the preacher or our kid’s group leader brings up teaching like this.  They need to hear this, we congratulate ourselves.  Maybe if they keep hearing from other adults, they’ll do it more at home.  Wouldn’t that be nice…

Paul gives the Colossian Christian children this command – obey your parents in everything – because it’s something they need to learn.  Let’s camp out on that thought for a moment…obedience is something that children need to learn.  They’re not going to get it right away.  Their entire focus is on their own needs, and not the needs of others.  Obedience is like any other skill we develop as we grow and mature…it’s going to take time, it’s going to take practice, and there are going to be failures along the way.

How we handle our children’s failures will heavily influence them…in their childhood for sure, but our actions will also echo throughout the rest of their lives.  We know this because we still feel the echoes from our own upbringing, but for some reason we tend to forget that reality the moment we’re dealing the shortcomings of our own kids.

More than any person in a child’s life, we fathers have the greatest influence in this area.  Apologies to all the moms out there, but we just do.  And the impact we fathers have on our child’s perspective is even greater than we realize.  Paul warns against discouraging our children, and the word he chose relates to feeling disheartened, dispirited, or broken in spirit.  A father’s reaction to his son or daughter’s failure is truly a make-or-break moment.

Paul says we push our children toward discouragement if we exasperate them.  When we push them to their whit’s end because of our insistence on “getting it right”, or when we bring them to angry tears just to make sure they understand and “get it” – whenever we take our authority too far, we run the risk of exasperating them. 

Unfortunately, I have been guilty of doing just that to my children many times over the years.  It typically happens when I’m rigidly demanding more than my son can give…and he cannot meet the standard I’ve set for him.  If my expectation was too high for his skill level, then he is doomed to failure even before he begun.  Instead of recognizing I set the bar to high, at times I’ve even doubled back and berated them for missing the mark.  I know when I’ve gone too far, too – I can see it in their eyes as they stare at the floor, their shoulders sink in despair, and their posture communicates that they’ve completely given up.

A child of any age can become exasperated and discouraged, but it is especially easy when they are young.  This doesn’t mean we don’t confront error or that we should only give easy challenges to our children; rather we need to actively match our expectations with our children’s abilities, and then be willing to be both gentle and firm as we lovingly deal with their failures.  Men, our ability to guard against this damaging practice is for us to apply the Christ-driven characteristics that Paul listed in the preceding context of 3:12-17

…put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience…
…forgive one another…just as the Lord has forgiven you…
…above all, put on love…
…be thankful…
…let the message of the Messiah dwell richly among you…
…whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus…

Our children’s hearts and maturity depend on it.

Keep Pressing,
Ken