The three words every parent really wants to hear

Parenting is hard.  It just is.  Long days, many long nights, and a constant dread that your failings are going to cause massive therapy sessions or not have your child prepared to do life on their own.  There are many things that encourage us parents along the way – the hugs, the hard-fought test being passed (or even aced!), the growth in skills, the development of their personality, the proud-of-them moments – but some seasons are just hard for everyone involved.

Now that we’re on the “other side” of parenting and both boys are living their adult lives, there’s been a phrase, when it comes out in normal conversation, that brings about a great sigh of relief and makes my heart smile. 

You might assume it’s “I love you” – and as much as I love hearing it, that’s not the one.
You may suggest it’s “I need you” – and while that is a nice thought, it’s not it, either.
You could think I’d like to hear “You were right” – and it’s close to that, but better.

The phrase that makes every struggle of parenting feel worth the effort is to hear your child say “Now I understand.”

The first time I heard this from either of our boys came from our oldest son.  It was the summer before his senior year of high school, and we were in the process of moving to a new state.  As we reflected on our time in West Virginia, the place he had grown up, he made the following statement:

“When we were little, I always thought you guys were being mean to us for making us do chores and clean our room.  I hated the way you made us do things over and over even if we thought we were done.  But now I understand that you were teaching us how to do it right so we could do it on our own.”

I honestly wish I had recorded that moment, but the replay lives on in my mind.  When your child realizes that you’ve been on their side all along – even when they believed you were the enemy – that moment is validation for the chores, the tears, the anguished prayers, and the trying-agains.  For a child to be able to say those things demonstrates they have reached a significant maturity milestone.  That is a summit that changes their perspective and unlocks a new phase in your relationship.

The author of Hebrews wanted his readers to take this same step with their Heavenly Father.  Toward the end of his letter, he offered this advice:

Hebrews 12:7, 9-10
Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons.  For what son is there that a father does not discipline?...Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them.  Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our benefit, so that we can share in His holiness.

The author’s comparison is as simple as it is profound.  Our parents are examples, for better or worse, for us to reference as we figure out life.  Our earthly father and mother did the best they could, and we still afford to respect them.  Why do we not view God’s actions in our lives the same way?  Especially since we know that God is good…and if He is good, then his discipline is for our benefit.  The benefit is that as we mature, we can share in His holiness.  This sharing in His holiness is to distinctly be like God, demonstrating His character traits and love to the world in such a way that everyone says “you’re a chip off the old block” and they see your Heavenly Father in the way you do life.

The author then says:

Hebrews 12:11
No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

IF we see our sufferings as God’s discipline…and IF we are trained by it…then, later on, we’ll experience peace and right-living, with our character reminding others of our Heavenly Father.  At that point, I expect we’ll turn to God and say:

Now I understand.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Kid, don't tell me "No"

When our older son was three and our younger son was less than a year old, we took a trip to visit family.  The trip was good, but one scene certainly stands out in my memory.  Our three year old was acting very much like a three year old that day…rambunctious, high-energy, and constantly repeating his latest favorite word, “No”. 

If you have parented through this stage, I’m sure you can agree that this is a difficult time.  Everything…and I mean everything…gets a “No” reply:

Can you come here please?  No.
Are you hungry?  No.
Do you want to play a game?  No.
Do you need to go to the bathroom?  No. (and you know that’s not true)
Stop hitting your brother.  No.
Go get your shoes, it’s time to go.  No.
Your mom called you, go see her.  No.
What’s your favorite color?  No.
(sitting by himself and talking)  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.

Developmentally, he was finding his voice and learning the proper/improper use of this powerful word.  Even if “No” didn’t fit the context, was untruthful (like when he actually was hungry, or he really did need to go to the bathroom), or was disrespectful, he was going to say it and find out what the consequences were. 

As a parent, this stage wears on your patience.  And by the end of this particular day, my patience was extra thin.  We were all tired, and the constant dripping of No-No-No-No-No had gotten on my last nerve.  After being told to do something and replying with a defiant “No.”, I looked him in the eyes and said “If you say ‘no’ one more time, you’re getting spanked.”  I turned around to walk into the next room, and before I took three steps, behind me I heard

“No.”

I took a deep breath and spun around.  He had just earned a spanking, and he was going to get one.  When our eyes met this time, his were huge, like a deer in the headlights, because he knew what was coming next by the look on my face.

And then my wife burst out laughing.

She was in the room the whole time, holding our younger son.  I stared at her, trying to figure out what was so funny in the middle of this intensely frustrating moment.  She was laughing so hard that she could barely talk – but finally she eeked out, “It wasn’t him…it was…the baby.”

Here’s the kicker.  Our youngest hadn’t said his first word yet.  Not “dada”, not “bye”, not “mama”…nothing but incoherent baby babbles up to this point.  His very first word was the word “No”, and it nearly got his older brother in trouble when he said it!

I was ready to act on the information I had, but what I heard was taken out of context.  Because my back was turned, I did not see who actually said “No”.  If I had gone through with what I understood to be true, I would have unjustly punished my older son for saying something that he didn’t say.

As funny as this family story turned out…unfortunately, many Christians are guilty of doing the same thing with Scripture.  We find a verse that sounds good, that makes us feel good, and we run with it.  We plaster it on coffee mugs, wall hangings, and social media.  However, if we zoom out and look at the context of the verse, we find that the part we like best is only half of the sentence, or just a part of the author’s thought in the particular section.  It is entirely possible to look at a verse in context and discover that the opposite of our single-verse interpretation is true!

Let me give you a couple examples.  A favorite verse of many people is found at the beginning of Paul’s letter to the believers in Philippi:

Philippians 1:6
I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

This verse is typically understood to mean that God will always grow you through whatever challenges and circumstances you face.  That God is going to be working on us and with us throughout our lives.  While that feels nice (and God really does do these things), if we read the full context of the introduction of Paul’s letter (Philippians 1:3-11), we find that the good work isn’t an individual’s path to maturity.  Instead, the Philippian church chose to partner with Paul and financially support his ministry.  Philippians is actually a “thank you” letter, and in 1:6 Paul is telling them that their contributions and partnership will have impact until Jesus returns.  Interpreting in context instead provides a bigger application for us modern believers – we can see how a small gift from a congregation is still ministering to believers 1000s of years later, because we get to read this letter.  The Philippian believers wouldn’t have expected to have this kind of impact, but this example does give us confidence that God can do great things with our contributions and support of ministries today.

A second example is a quote from the Old Testament that often floats around social media when national circumstances feel difficult:

2 Chronicles 7:14
and My people, who bear My name, humble themselves, pray and seek My face, and turn from their evil ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land.

If taught on a Sunday morning, I’m certain your pastor will encourage you to pray for your national leaders, to pray against the evil actions we see in society, and that by doing so, we can be hopeful that God will bless the USA.

And while we should be humble before God, we should pray and seek Him, and we should turn from evil, the promise to heal their land isn’t one that a modern church-age believer can claim.  The fuller context of 2 Chronicles 7:12-22 shows that God is talking to Solomon about a specific location (the temple in Israel).  God goes into great detail about how He will punish the nation of Israel if they abandon Him and what their responses to His punishment could bring.

If we still insist that this verse applies to modern believers, then we need to honestly struggle with a few more questions – namely how this applies to believers in other countries, especially ones like China, Iran, or any place that is violently hostile toward Christians.  Are they not praying hard enough?  Is that why God has yet to heal their land?

God responds in significant ways when we are humble, when we pray and seek Him, and when we turn from evil…but we can’t assume national revival in the USA based upon this verse.

Ultimately, we need to remember that the Bible was written for us, but not to us.  God’s promises were often for specific people at specific times.  We will find promises made to the church, but not every promise contained in Scripture is ours to claim.  Even still, there is plenty to learn about God when we come to a promise that was made to someone else, as they provide evidence that He is faithful to His word and that He cares for those who follow Him.

You may be wondering, What’s the big deal?  If I take a verse “out of context” but it’s still a good application, why should it matter?

Here’s the ultimate reason why we don’t want to take Scripture out of context – to mis-quote God, if you will – a verse out of context can easily lead to an application that is completely wrong and not what God intends for His children.  Just like when I almost unjustly punished my older son, I thought I had all the information needed to take action, but it turns out I didn’t.  My wife provided the additional context so I did not do something that would have harmed my relationship with my son.

We need to be willing to take God at His word.  All of it, in context.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite - When we fall

Sometimes, we need a reminder that once you’re in God’s family, He’s not going to kick you out…

When we fall
originally posted on August 10, 2017

In 2004, I moved my family to a new state, 1500 miles away from what we knew as home.  The job I was going to was one that I had done before, so I was completely confident that I could hit the ground running.  I was excited to use my skillset in a new environment and among new people.  Of course, before they turned me loose, I had a training program to complete.  What I thought was going to be no big deal ended up having a few bumps in the road.

Maybe it was the time off between jobs, maybe it was nervousness…but I found myself making little mistakes that either made it more difficult to complete the task at hand or it meant that the testing was invalid and had to be repeated.  Internally, I was getting really frustrated with myself.  Externally, I would make weak attempts at joking as I would blame the mistakes on me trying to “knock the rust off”.  But the mistakes kept happening at a pace that made me uncomfortable, and I knew people were watching.

I began to wonder if there was some “unofficial limit” as to how many mistakes I could make before they would just give up on me.  I was being brought in to not only perform testing and provide expertise, but I was also going to be leading my own team.  “How can a supposed leader make this many mistakes?” I worried.  We were new in town, without any family nearby.  What would happen to us if I continued to muck things up and my worst fear was realized?

After one particularly frustrating mistake, looked at my trainer and asked how many more of these was I allowed before they kicked me out.  She just laughed as she walked away and said, “Don’t worry, Ken.  We’re not going to throw you overboard.  We’ve invested too much money in you to do that.” 

Now to her, I’m sure it was just a minor comment.  Too me, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted.  And then I realized…she was right.  This company had paid for our move and given us three months of short-term housing – they had invested a lot in me and expected to get a return.  They were willing to put up with a few do-overs, especially in training, as I learned the ropes and re-focused my skills.  Because of their patience, I was able to succeed in a variety of roles for the company, even ones that I couldn’t have foreseen at that initial time.

We have the same worries in our relationship with God, don’t we?  Even after we trust Jesus with our eternal destiny, we’re still going to struggle with sin.  That’s just part of life as a redeemed human being.  But we often wonder…What if I screw up too many times?  What if I really blow it in a big way, with one of those “big” sins?  Will God just toss me aside, because that’s what I would deserve.

I love that God is a realist.

We like to sugar-coat our flaws and exaggerate our strengths, but He sees us exactly as we are.  He’s not surprised when we sin.  He knows we’re not going to live out this new life with Him perfectly.  He loves us and trains us like a perfect parent – with patience, support, and guidance.

In the middle of Psalm 37, David recognizes this truth. 

Psalm 37:23-24
A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,
because the Lord holds his hand.

An accurate translation of the third line could also read, When he falls, he will not be cast aside.  God knows the path He wants us to walk with Him.  He truly delights in making the journey with us.  And when we fall, He is there to catch us.

Truthfully, He’s invested too much in us to just walk away.  Jesus, the most valuable person in the universe, paid for us to move into God’s family.  The Lord is holding our hand as we walk through this life, learning the ropes and developing our skills.  We are being prepared for life in Eternity Future.  God’s not going to give up on us here.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Is Jesus boring?

One of the keys to good parenting that I’ve discovered over the years is to be so predictable that I’m boring…at least when it comes to discipline and behavioral expectations – first for myself, and then for my children.  While it may have looked ‘boring’ at a surface level or even felt ‘boring’ to me, the consistency of my character provided the foundation for relationship with my children.

Especially through their younger years, our relationship always seemed to go smoother when I was most consistent.  It’s as if they took a measure of comfort in knowing not just the boundaries, but who their dad is as a person.  When I was out of sorts, they could sense it, and they became unsteady.  Looking back, the season when I was traveling extensively for work certainly took a toll on our family dynamic.  Dad wasn’t consistently there, and it showed.

However, the flip side also rang true.  The times when I was consistently tuned in to both who I am with God and what my purpose is for my children – those seasons have resulted in some of our best family memories.  (Notice I didn’t say easiest, I said best…and there is often a difference)

My consistency came directly from my connection to God.  He is our ultimate example for the parent-child relationship, such that His consistency of character (from the surface level) may even appear ‘boring’.  But when we lean into His consistency of character, we find the things we cannot achieve anywhere else in life – identity, perspective, foundation, and purpose.

But it’s hard to rely on God for those things.  We struggle with the idea that we must earn everything, including relationships.  We don’t want to admit dependency or, quite frankly, our inner-most need for it.  And this is where the recipients of the letter we call Hebrews were in danger of slipping.  The author had already shown them Jesus’ fulfillment of Mosaic law and superiority over its decrees, but there would be the temptation for them to go back to trying to build a relationship with God based upon what actions they choose.

The author addressed this concern both as a warning and an encouragement:

Hebrews 13:8-9
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Don’t be led astray by various kinds of strange teachings; for it is good for the heart to be established by grace and not by foods, since those involved in them have not benefited.

The author says his readers cannot establish their relationship with God due to the ceremonial foods they would eat, or rituals they follow.  The people’s activities were shadows that pointed to Jesus and the relationship with God only He could provide. 

Jesus hasn’t changed.  Jesus doesn’t change.  Who He was in the Old Testament, who He is in the New Testament, and who He will be in eternity future is the same Great God who loves us unconditionally, entirely based upon grace.

If you come across any teaching that even suggests otherwise, don’t be led astray.  Reject such foolishness.  We cannot earn God’s love, by cash now or on credit later.  We cannot do enough good things today to earn the start of a relationship with Jesus.  We cannot do enough good deeds later to justify His investment of eternal life in us.  No matter what we’ve done, are doing, or will do – our standing with God is entirely established by grace.

We will not find His consistency boring; rather His consistent character will show us our true identity, proper perspective, a solid foundation, a life’s purpose, and a heart established by grace.  Most of all, His consistent character shows us…Him.

Don’t be led astray.

Keep Pressing,
Ken
 

When we fall

In 2004, I moved my family to a new state, 1500 miles away from what we knew as home.  The job I was going to was one that I had done before, so I was completely confident that I could hit the ground running.  I was excited to use my skillset in a new environment and among new people.  Of course, before they turned me loose, I had a training program to complete.  What I thought was going to be no big deal ended up having a few bumps in the road.

Maybe it was the time off between jobs, maybe it was nervousness…but I found myself making little mistakes that either made it more difficult to complete the task at hand or it meant that the testing was invalid and had to be repeated.  Internally, I was getting really frustrated with myself.  Externally, I would make weak attempts at joking as I would blame the mistakes on me trying to “knock the rust off”.  But the mistakes kept happening at a pace that made me uncomfortable, and I knew people were watching.

I began to wonder if there was some “unofficial limit” as to how many mistakes I could make before they would just give up on me.  I was being brought in to not only perform testing and provide expertise, but I was also going to be leading my own team.  “How can a supposed leader make this many mistakes?” I worried.  We were new in town, without any family nearby.  What would happen to us if I continued to muck things up and my worst fear was realized?

After one particularly frustrating mistake, looked at my trainer and asked how many more of these was I allowed before they kicked me out.  She just laughed as she walked away and said, “Don’t worry, Ken.  We’re not going to throw you overboard.  We’ve invested too much money in you to do that.” 

Now to her, I’m sure it was just a minor comment.  Too me, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted.  And then I realized…she was right.  This company had paid for our move and given us three months of short-term housing – they had invested a lot in me and expected to get a return.  They were willing to put up with a few do-overs, especially in training, as I learned the ropes and re-focused my skills.  Because of their patience, I was able to succeed in a variety of roles for the company, even ones that I couldn’t have foreseen at that initial time.

We have the same worries in our relationship with God, don’t we?  Even after we trust Jesus with our eternal destiny, we’re still going to struggle with sin.  That’s just part of life as a redeemed human being.  But we often wonder…What if I screw up too many times?  What if I really blow it in a big way, with one of those “big” sins?  Will God just toss me aside, because that’s what I would deserve.

I love that God is a realist.

We like to sugar-coat our flaws and exaggerate our strengths, but He sees us exactly as we are.  He’s not surprised when we sin.  He knows we’re not going to live out this new life with Him perfectly.  He loves us and trains us like a perfect parent – with patience, support, and guidance.

In the middle of Psalm 37, David recognizes this truth. 

Psalm 37:23-24
A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,
because the Lord holds his hand.

An accurate translation of the third line could also read, When he falls, he will not be cast aside.  God knows the path He wants us to walk with Him.  He truly delights in making the journey with us.  And when we fall, He is there to catch us.

Truthfully, He’s invested too much in us to just walk away.  Jesus, the most valuable person in the universe, paid for us to move into God’s family.  The Lord is holding our hand as we walk through this life, learning the ropes and developing our skills.  We are being prepared for life in Eternity Future.  God’s not going to give up on us here.

Keep Pressing,
Ken
 

Investment necessary

The mentoring process has some specific costs to the mentor.  Time and sacrifice are necessary for the relationship to grow, and the mentor must be willing to sacrificially give their time long before the protégé realizes they need that level of investment.

The setting for our next example occurs about 400-500 years before Jesus was born.  God had punished both the nation of Israel and the nation of Judah for disobedience and idol worship by allowing them to be defeated by their enemies and carried off into exile.

The Jews had been settled in their exile for some time now, and their original Babylonian captors had been overtaken by the Persians.  The current Persian ruler was King Ahasuerus.  The book of Esther begins by explaining how and why the king was looking for a new queen.  However, we’re going to look at the mentoring relationship between Mordecai and Esther.

Esther 2:5-7
A Jewish man was in the fortress of Susa named Mordecai son of Jair, son of Shimei, son of Kish, a Benjaminite.  He had been taken into exile from Jerusalem with the other captives when King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon took King Jeconiah of Judah into exile

Mordecai was the legal guardian of his cousin Hadassah (that is, Esther), because…when her father and mother died, Mordecai had adopted her as his own daughter.

This was a great act of sacrifice by Mordecai.  Scripture doesn’t record if he had other children; however, he treated Esther as if she was his own daughter.  Let’s not skip over this phrase.  Think about the first two decades of your life and remember everything your parents invested in you during that time.  What decisions or adjustments were made with you in mind?

If you have children of your own, take a quick inventory of everything you purposely do to raise them.  The late nights, the teaching, the training, the laughing, the development of skills, the failures, the coaching, the discipline, the love, and on and on and on. 

This is the kind of sacrifice Mordecai made for Esther when he adopted her as his own daughter. 

Esther was one of the young women selected to join the king’s harem, and it was from among those women that the king would select his next queen.  Before Esther left, however, Mordecai gave her some particular instructions:

Esther 2:10-11
Esther did not reveal her ethnic background or her birthplace, because Mordecai had ordered her not to.  Every day Mordecai took a walk in front of the harem’s courtyard to learn how Esther was doing and to see what was happening to her.

During the next year, the women from the harem would live in the palace and receive extensive beauty treatments with oil of myrrh, perfumes, and cosmetics.  From among the women, Esther was chosen to be the next queen.  After recording the festivities of her coronation, the author adds this detail:

Esther 2:19-20
When the young women were assembled together for a second time, Mordecai was sitting at the King’s Gate.  Esther still had not revealed her birthplace or her ethnic background, as Mordecai had directed.  She obeyed Mordecai’s orders, as she always had while he raised her.

Even if Esther didn’t fully understand Mordecai’s reasoning, she trusted him enough to follow his directions.  Her willingness to keep her family history a secret for over a year is strong evidence of Esther’s respect for the man who raised her.  It was this same trust in Mordecai that would later lead to Esther having a significant, national impact.

From this part of Mordecai’s and Esther’s story, we see how mentors must go through life with their protégé in order to develop a strong relationship.  Trust in the mentor’s ability to lead and guide their protégé doesn’t come overnight.  However, the time and sacrifice will be worth it.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Practical application: parenting

In Colossians 3:18-19, Paul pointed out the oh-so-practical place to practice living like Christ – in our relationship with our spouse.  His next connection stays within the immediate family and is just as practical.

Colossians 3:20-21
Children obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord.  Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged.

As parents, we love this first sentence.  We secretly relish when the preacher or our kid’s group leader brings up teaching like this.  They need to hear this, we congratulate ourselves.  Maybe if they keep hearing from other adults, they’ll do it more at home.  Wouldn’t that be nice…

Paul gives the Colossian Christian children this command – obey your parents in everything – because it’s something they need to learn.  Let’s camp out on that thought for a moment…obedience is something that children need to learn.  They’re not going to get it right away.  Their entire focus is on their own needs, and not the needs of others.  Obedience is like any other skill we develop as we grow and mature…it’s going to take time, it’s going to take practice, and there are going to be failures along the way.

How we handle our children’s failures will heavily influence them…in their childhood for sure, but our actions will also echo throughout the rest of their lives.  We know this because we still feel the echoes from our own upbringing, but for some reason we tend to forget that reality the moment we’re dealing the shortcomings of our own kids.

More than any person in a child’s life, we fathers have the greatest influence in this area.  Apologies to all the moms out there, but we just do.  And the impact we fathers have on our child’s perspective is even greater than we realize.  Paul warns against discouraging our children, and the word he chose relates to feeling disheartened, dispirited, or broken in spirit.  A father’s reaction to his son or daughter’s failure is truly a make-or-break moment.

Paul says we push our children toward discouragement if we exasperate them.  When we push them to their whit’s end because of our insistence on “getting it right”, or when we bring them to angry tears just to make sure they understand and “get it” – whenever we take our authority too far, we run the risk of exasperating them. 

Unfortunately, I have been guilty of doing just that to my children many times over the years.  It typically happens when I’m rigidly demanding more than my son can give…and he cannot meet the standard I’ve set for him.  If my expectation was too high for his skill level, then he is doomed to failure even before he begun.  Instead of recognizing I set the bar to high, at times I’ve even doubled back and berated them for missing the mark.  I know when I’ve gone too far, too – I can see it in their eyes as they stare at the floor, their shoulders sink in despair, and their posture communicates that they’ve completely given up.

A child of any age can become exasperated and discouraged, but it is especially easy when they are young.  This doesn’t mean we don’t confront error or that we should only give easy challenges to our children; rather we need to actively match our expectations with our children’s abilities, and then be willing to be both gentle and firm as we lovingly deal with their failures.  Men, our ability to guard against this damaging practice is for us to apply the Christ-driven characteristics that Paul listed in the preceding context of 3:12-17

…put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience…
…forgive one another…just as the Lord has forgiven you…
…above all, put on love…
…be thankful…
…let the message of the Messiah dwell richly among you…
…whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus…

Our children’s hearts and maturity depend on it.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Conditional goals

What is our goal as parents?  We spend 18ish years feeding, clothing, nursing, caring, teaching, testing, training, guiding, and living with our children.  While the “goal for today” may look different from last year’s “goal for today”, there is also a long-term target that we are trying to make sure they hit.

We don’t often verbalize what that “active-parenting-is-done-end-game” goal looks like.  Truthfully, the busyness of the moment makes it easy to forget that we’re aiming toward anything other than survival.  However, if we were to list out what we desire for our kids to be like when they finally become adults, it would probably look something like this:

I want them to be healthy, active members of society.  I want them to love God and others, and to be growing in both of those areas.  I hope they have a “good” career that uses their talents.  I really want them to be happy with their life/spouse/family/etc.

These are all good dreams for us to have for our children.  But it’s not very often that these ideas are forefront in our minds, especially as they get older.  I have to wonder, though, if we don’t think about this goal as much, not because of the busyness – but because we’re worried they may not be 100% ready when the time comes. 

No matter how well we parent, no matter how pure our love is, and no matter how spot-on our advice is – our kids’ lives could still be derailed by their own choices.  Lots of things in this world are ready to be distractions or disruptions: unhealthy relationships, various addictions, rejection of God, rejection of family, wasting of talents, etc.  But those are the reason WHY we parent them.  We give them guidance, love, direction, opportunities, and education so they CAN reach their full potential.

It’s no wonder we do these things – since God does the same with each of us.  Once we have been born again, we become part of God’s family, and He has a plan to mature each one of us.  He has an incredible end-goal in mind for what our full potential looks like.  Paul pointed this out in his letter to the believers at Colossae.  Look for God’s goal for them, but also be on the lookout for what will help them reach that goal:

Colossians 1:21-23
And you were once alienated and hostile in mind because of your evil actions.  But now He has reconciled you by His physical body through His death, to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him – if indeed you remain grounded and steadfast in the faith, and are not shifted away from the hope of the gospel that you heard.

God the Father has reconciled you…to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him.  That goal is a HUGE change from where I’m currently at.  But looking back on my life, I can see that I’m closer now than I was when I became a Christian.  God’s been patiently working on me, and I trust that He will continue to do so, all the while aiming for His goal in my life.

But we both know that I’m susceptible to distractions and disruptions.  I can be my own worst enemy.  I could derail God’s plan to mature me if I rebel and disregard His leading and direction in my life.  That kind of behavior wouldn’t mean that I’m not part of the family – instead it would mean that God would have to address my rebellion before getting back to developing my maturity.

That’s why Paul says that God’s goal for believers – to be shown as holy, faultless, and blameless before Him – is conditional.  Some of us won’t make it to full maturity.  That’s why Paul prays that the believers may walk worthy of the Lord (1:10).  That’s why Paul says his goal is that we may present everyone mature in Christ (1:28).  These things may happen…they may not.  Throughout the rest of the letter, Paul warns the Colossians about other distractions and how to keep step with God and His aim for us.

However, Paul’s best advice comes in verse 23.  We will be able to reach full maturity if indeed you remain grounded and steadfast in the faith, and are not shifted away from the hope of the gospel that you heard.

Our starting point is also our anchor.  The hope of the gospel – Jesus coming to earth to save us when we couldn’t save ourselves – is what grounds us.  Just as we trust God for salvation, we must also trust Him for our maturity.

Keep Pressing,
Ken 

Guiding principles

As parents, we deal with a lot of uneasiness surrounding our children’s interaction with the world around them.  This uneasiness is revealed when we look ahead toward their future and say phrases like “I am concerned about…” or “These potential situations make me nervous because…”

When we take an honest look at the world, there is a constant barrage of multiple influences, with each one competing for our children’s attention and focus.  Some good, some bad, and some have the potential to be good or bad – depending up how they are used.  Many times, however, our children don’t even recognize the full consequences of the path they currently travel.

Something or someone is going to influence how they interact with the world around them.  However, we cannot give them parental advice for every single decision and conversation they will have in life…so instead we must rely on teaching them governing principles.

The author of Psalm 119 boils it all down to this one thing:

Psalm 119:9
How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word.

The purity – or impurity – of a child’s way of life is connected directly to their actions of keeping God’s word.  And that makes sense…since God is the author of life, He knows how it should work, right?  But just in case the psalmist’s statement feels a little nebulous, he then spends the next seven verses expanding on what keeping Your word actually looks like.

As you read it, look for the verbs that the young man uses to describe his actions:

Psalm 119:9-16
How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word.
I have sought You with all my heart; don’t let me wander from Your commands.
I have treasured Your word in my heart so that I may not sin against You.
Lord, may You be praised; teach me Your statutes.                                                                      
With my lips I proclaim all the judgments from Your mouth.
I rejoice in the way revealed by Your decrees as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on Your precepts and think about Your ways.
I will delight in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word.

I have sought…I have treasured…I proclaim…I rejoice…I will meditate…I will delight

These are all “active actions” of the young man.  These are the things he was taught to do.  As he does them, he keeps God’s word.  And as the young man keeps God’s word, his way of life is kept pure.

That is the guiding principle for the young man – to have God’s ways become his own ways.

No matter what life throws at them and no matter who tries to influence them, if we have taught our children how to be actively keeping Your word, we will be able to set aside our uneasiness and say, just like the apostle John:

3 John 1:4
I have no greater joy than this: to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Keep Pressing,
Ken