The three words every parent really wants to hear

Parenting is hard.  It just is.  Long days, many long nights, and a constant dread that your failings are going to cause massive therapy sessions or not have your child prepared to do life on their own.  There are many things that encourage us parents along the way – the hugs, the hard-fought test being passed (or even aced!), the growth in skills, the development of their personality, the proud-of-them moments – but some seasons are just hard for everyone involved.

Now that we’re on the “other side” of parenting and both boys are living their adult lives, there’s been a phrase, when it comes out in normal conversation, that brings about a great sigh of relief and makes my heart smile. 

You might assume it’s “I love you” – and as much as I love hearing it, that’s not the one.
You may suggest it’s “I need you” – and while that is a nice thought, it’s not it, either.
You could think I’d like to hear “You were right” – and it’s close to that, but better.

The phrase that makes every struggle of parenting feel worth the effort is to hear your child say “Now I understand.”

The first time I heard this from either of our boys came from our oldest son.  It was the summer before his senior year of high school, and we were in the process of moving to a new state.  As we reflected on our time in West Virginia, the place he had grown up, he made the following statement:

“When we were little, I always thought you guys were being mean to us for making us do chores and clean our room.  I hated the way you made us do things over and over even if we thought we were done.  But now I understand that you were teaching us how to do it right so we could do it on our own.”

I honestly wish I had recorded that moment, but the replay lives on in my mind.  When your child realizes that you’ve been on their side all along – even when they believed you were the enemy – that moment is validation for the chores, the tears, the anguished prayers, and the trying-agains.  For a child to be able to say those things demonstrates they have reached a significant maturity milestone.  That is a summit that changes their perspective and unlocks a new phase in your relationship.

The author of Hebrews wanted his readers to take this same step with their Heavenly Father.  Toward the end of his letter, he offered this advice:

Hebrews 12:7, 9-10
Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons.  For what son is there that a father does not discipline?...Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them.  Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our benefit, so that we can share in His holiness.

The author’s comparison is as simple as it is profound.  Our parents are examples, for better or worse, for us to reference as we figure out life.  Our earthly father and mother did the best they could, and we still afford to respect them.  Why do we not view God’s actions in our lives the same way?  Especially since we know that God is good…and if He is good, then his discipline is for our benefit.  The benefit is that as we mature, we can share in His holiness.  This sharing in His holiness is to distinctly be like God, demonstrating His character traits and love to the world in such a way that everyone says “you’re a chip off the old block” and they see your Heavenly Father in the way you do life.

The author then says:

Hebrews 12:11
No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

IF we see our sufferings as God’s discipline…and IF we are trained by it…then, later on, we’ll experience peace and right-living, with our character reminding others of our Heavenly Father.  At that point, I expect we’ll turn to God and say:

Now I understand.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Introducing others to Jesus

Growing up, I remember being repeatedly told about the importance of “witnessing” to others.  Our church would sometimes go knocking on peoples’ doors to share the gospel, but for the most part, the congregation was encouraged to “share Jesus” with anyone and everyone we encountered during the week.

I always felt weird about doing it.  I couldn’t drum up the courage to randomly bring Jesus up in a conversation, and I was convinced that I would be super-awkward if I was able to actually say anything.  I also knew I didn’t have the all answers to the hard questions I would face.  So, for the most part, I didn’t say much.  People knew that my family went to church, but overall I resigned myself to being a “bad witness”, figuring that the pastor and any older, braver, and wiser Christians would have to make up for my inability to show anyone who Jesus is.

And now, reading through the Scriptures as an adult, I find out that that introducing others to Jesus is much simpler than memorizing all the good answers to every possible theological question.  Instead, our “witness” has a lot more to do with who we are than what we know.

The author of Hebrews gave his readers this direction regarding their “witness”:

Hebrews 12:14
Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness – without it no one will see the Lord.

Your life is the first gospel that most people will read.  What kind of story are you telling? 

If we want others to look at us and see the Lord, then we should be acting like the Lord acts.  And that kind of behavior doesn’t just happen on its own…which is why the author says these God-like traits must be pursued.

However, when traits are given in lists, it can be easy to gloss over the impact of each quality.  Breaking up the sentence can help with our understanding:

Pursue peace with everyone – without it no one will see the Lord.

We have been forgiven of so, so much.  God made peace with us, and we 100% did not deserve it.  In fact, He took the initiative, and He pursued us in order to make that peace.  But now that we’re in the family…if our actions don’t portray that same reconciliation attitude, then no one else will believe us when we say that God’s complete forgiveness is possible.

Pursue holiness – without it no one will see the Lord.

Living a life marked by holiness means that our actions are pure, free of stain.  However, staying pure doesn’t mean that we must withdraw from “those people” and all the “bad sinners” around us.  Instead, it means our aim is to live life the way we were created to – in relationship with God and without sin.

In order to show people who the Lord is, the author of Hebrews isn’t telling his readers to shout Bible verses from the street corners or to prepare for arguments with non-Christians in the community (or online).  He also doesn’t say to petition the government to pass laws that force people to live according to Scripture.

Instead, a life that “witnesses” about the Lord is actually a byproduct of our desire to be like Him.  We understand that when we think about how these two pursuits affect how others would view us.  Someone who actively seeks peace with others while still living a pure life?  That’s someone who stands out in this world.  That’s someone who will have the opportunity to help non-Christians see the Lord.

Keep Pressing,
Ken